If you are looking to move to The Netherlands, there’s one word you should know about. I haven’t found a proper English translation for it, but I’ll try to enlighten you. The Dutch word of the day is a verb and it is: “drammen“. Here’s how you pronounce it: drammen.mp3
If you search online for a translation, you might find “push”. But that’s not quite it. The closest English word I can find is “badgering”.
Drammen is pressuring someone into voluntarily doing something that they aren’t very eager to do in the first place, by suggesting that it is something you ought to want to do. It’s good for you. It’s fun. It’s sensible. It’s… why are you so difficult? Not all people do this, there are plenty of nice, calm, mellow folks who know how to leave other people alone, but unfortunately those people who do tend to “dram”, have made quite a mark on our society. People who have a tendency toward “drammen”, feel the need to make other people do, say, think, feel in a certain manner. It’s a quirk of needing to exert control on others. And it’s contagious. I once posted something where I said we should stop telling people what they ought to want, and I got the angry reply that I was the one telling them what they ought to … er.. yeah. That went nowhere real quick.
Kids are exposed to this personality trait by such means as Sinterklaas, where some adults will pressurize children to get on that strange man’s lap. Children who hesitate, face pressure from these folks until they walk up to the stranger themselves. If your kid has a teacher who is “drammerig”, your kid is verbally pressured with an insistence that Sinterklaas is fun until they begrudgingly comply. The same goes for having your school photo taken. Our society values compliance, and this gives “drammers” quite some leverage. The exact anecdotes differ per child, but mostly Dutch society has plenty of badgering and pressurizing people. Drammers.
You can recognize a Dutchie who can withstand “drammen” by the fact that they still have their wisdom teeth. Fortunately, it didn’t make me cynical at all. 🤣 But seriously, to do well in this society, dealing with people like that is a necessary skill. It mostly consists of being able to stay still. To say “No, thank you.” and then to sit still, sand still and refrain from explaining yourself. The more explanations you offer, the more resistance you’ll get from drammers. Their logic is kinda like this: If I can get you to give me a reason, I can then focus my effort on insisting that your reason is no good. If you don’t give them a reason, they don’t have anything to work with, and they’ll eventually expose themselves to themselves as drammers. (Note: At first, the level of drammen goes wayyy up. Stick with it. Don’t say anything after saying “no”. They’ll feel embarrassed pretty soon.)
I’m not saying we don’t all have such traits every now and then. Everyone is impatient at times. Sometimes you just want to get a chore done and geez can’t the other person lend a hand? Here’s the central point: Drammers won’t take no for an answer.
Let’s improve our lives by spending time around people who do respect your “no”. And be sure to respect theirs.